Champagne anyone?

I was looking through my computer files today and came across something interesting.  I had written a toast for my sister's wedding, but I never had the opportunity to give it during the reception.  We arrived a little bit late, and after talking with the DJ after dinner, my sister realized we were running out of time.  So an executive decision was made to go straight to dancing and cake cutting.  I was a little bummed at the time, but it wasn't a big deal.  However, now that I have this blog as an outlet, I figured I would share the toast with all of you.  Hopefully my sister enjoys it too!

Here goes...

"Good evening and thank you all for coming.  I had hoped I could put together a simple little toast and memorize it, but when I sat down to start writing, I didn’t know where to start.  First and foremost, I want to tell you how much I love you both and how happy I am that you found each other.  You created this perfect little girl and we are all so lucky to have all three of you in our lives.  If I could give you any advice, after being with Ryan for over 10 years, it would be that you should always be open with each other.  Talk about your problems, pick your battles, and never fight over money.

Josh, I was trying to think of something to share with you about Melissa.  A little memory about her that would really make you feel like a part of our silly family.  I had plenty to choose from, but for the sake of Melissa’s pride, I will share those stories in private when we can laugh for hours.  However, I did think of something from our childhood that always makes her smile, so I’m going to pass this along to you.  When Melissa and I were young, I used to tell her silly stories at night to help her fall asleep.  I had a little repertoire of characters that I would use and then I would ad lib the actual story.  If she ever has a hard time falling asleep, please tell her a silly story about the chicken McNugget people that walk around in cowboy boots.

Melissa, we have been through a lot together.  We were so close when we were younger, playing kick the can in the alley and basketball at Danny’s house.  Mom always made us come in at like 6:00 to go to bed, so we had loads of time together and we had to make our own fun.  Like… mattress surfing on the staircase.  I know we drifted apart in my teenage years, but you were so little and dorky and I didn’t know any better.  Now that we are mature, responsible adults, I feel like we are right back to being those crazy, close sisters that had to sit in timeout together in the game closet.

Now you have a daughter and you’re married, and you’re not that dorky, little girl anymore.  You are beautiful and strong, and you will make a great wife for Josh.  I wish you both all the happiness in the world.  To Melissa and Josh!"

A girl walks into a pole...

Stop me if you've heard this one...

I love telling stories, albeit with some (okay, sometimes much) exaggeration.  I possess the crafts of creativity and imagination, and I tend to embellish just a wee bit.  One of my favorite childhood stories is about my sister.

One summer, our family went on vacation at Pike Lake in the Upper Peninsula.  I was about 10 or 11, my sister was 5 or 6.  We had our own dock on the lake in front of our cabin and Dad would set up shop at the end and fish with us.  It is my recollection that one afternoon, I was out fishing with my Dad and my sister wanted desperately to come fish with us.  I'm confident that the cabin must have been on fire or Mom was trying to feed her veal patties for dinner, because my sister came barreling down the hill toward the dock at break neck speed.

Now, I've taken an educational psychology course and have quite an extensive knowledge of fine motor skills in children.  Based on this, I would have expected my sister's small muscle movements and hand/eye coordination to be fully developed by age 5.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.

It's important for you to understand the context of the situation.  The dock, being in such close proximity to the actual lake, inconveniently had water on it.  This is the only factor that potentially makes this story seem plausible.  Here is my version of the play-by-play.  I suggest that you imagine this occurring in slow motion... it's so much funnier that way. 

I vaguely remember someone yelling for my sister to slow down.  That was my cue to really focus on what was happening behind me.  As I watched, my sister proceeded to run down the hill, gaining momentum as she neared the dock.  I vividly remember that she was wearing a gray, zip up sweatshirt and jeans.  That doesn't seem relevant now, but clothes add weight...

At the last possible second, and in what appeared to be an intentional manner, my sister ran straight off the dock, falling face first into the water.  It was like she went stiff... petrified.  Maybe Draco Malfoy was hiding in the bushes and performed the "Petrificus Totalus" spell on her... who knows.  For what seemed like forever, she just laid there face down in the water, which was only about 4 inches deep.  She had to have hit the bottom, and just thinking about what that must have felt like and remembering what it looked like, makes me laugh!  Then, she stood up and immediately started bawling.  She ran straight up the hill to Mom.  Hopefully she still avoided the veal patties...

My sister had a tendency to be a natural comedian.  That's my polite way of saying that she was really good at making us laugh... at her.  The whole family went to Six Flags in Chicago about 4 years after the dock incident.  The night before we went to the park, we went to a nearby mall for dinner and shopping.  Unfortunately, the construction of this mall was such that there were poles strategically placed right in the middle of all of the hallways.  I'm not sure why these hallways needed structural reinforcement and they weren't aesthetically pleasing, so there really was no purpose for them.

As we rounded a corner, we all parted to avoid the pole in front of us but my sister pushed onward.  It's like she was being a martyr.  There was no attempt to even shield her face... probably due to the lack of hand/eye coordination.  You know that sound your frying pan makes when you drop it in the sink?  It echoed down the hallway in both directions.  Once again, she escaped any real injury.  

In closing, I want to say that while it may seem like I'm making fun of my sister, I love that girl and I only tell stories about the people that I love.  Even though this picture is not relevant to these two stories, it is so hilarious and I just had to share it with you all!  My sister used to put on my Mom's clothes, stuff toys in her chest, and walk around the house imitating her.  Just another example of why I love that girl!