August 1, 2011

Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?

King Arthur:  Not at all.  They could be carried.
Soldier:  What?  A swallow carrying a coconut?
King Arthur:  It could grip it by the husk.
Soldier:  It's not a question of where he grips it.  It's a simple question of weight ratios.  A 5 ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.
King Arthur:  Well, it doesn't matter.  Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
Soldier:  Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times per second.
King Arthur:  Please.
Soldier:  Am I right?
King Arthur:  I'm not interested.
Soldier #2:  It could be carried by an African swallow.
Soldier:  Oh yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow.  That's my point.
Soldier #2:  Oh yeah, I agree with that.
King Arthur:  Will you ask your master if he wants to join my Court at Camelot?
Soldier:  But then of course... African swallows are non-migratory.
Soldier #2:  Oh yeah...
Soldier:  So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.


First of all, why coconuts?  Why not bang two pieces of wood together?  The monks had plenty of planks of wood to bang themselves in the head with...  I assume the logic was based upon the necessity for a hollow sound to replicate a horse's hoof.  However, nothing in this movie is logical.  It would be more aptly titled "Monty Python and the Quest for Logic".  Regardless, I love this movie!  I make it my goal each time I watch it to memorize another ridiculous quote.

While we are on the subject of all things illogical, I've been curiously pondering the automation that is seen everywhere nowadays... particularly in the loo.  I noticed the other day that the bathrooms on campus have automated soap dispensers, but you have to turn the water on yourself and get your own paper towels.  Don't get me wrong...  I understand that there are probably hygienic reasons for making bathroom fixtures automated, and I'm in no way lazy enough to argue that these automated devices are necessary for our generation, but there needs to be some consistency.  

For instance, why is the soap dispenser automated but not the water?  Aren't we trying to avoid touching the soap dispenser for fear that germs will jump ship and hitch a ride on our epidermis?  So is the logic that once the soap, which is hopefully antibacterial, is on our hands, touching the faucet is inconsequential?  Or, is the soap dispenser automated because people are abusing and overusing soap, thus bankrupting some companies?  If that's the case, why not make the water automated as well.  Companies can control the water pressure and the length of time that the water stays on. 

This also explains the automated paper towel dispensers.  Personally, I know I use too many paper towels.  I like dry hands.  End of story.  The damn paper towel dispensers at the movie theater never give you enough though.  I always have to sit there and wave my hands like a mad woman.  There's some exact method to setting off the motion detector in the machine.  It's like morse code.  You have to make two quick passes at a 90 degree angle, then one long pause at a slightly more vertical angle. 
Unfortunately, this logic is still lost on me.  So, once you have escaped the evil soap dispenser germs and washed your hands, you now have to push down the little lever to get your paper towels.  Apparently germs are selective and refuse to migrate to the paper towel dispenser.  

Although... I guess if they were African germs, they would be non-migratory anyway and we wouldn't need automated paper towel dispensers. 

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