Crazy pregnancy dreams: Blog #1

My dreams of late have been very vivid and obscure... which should make for great blogging material!  I thought I would start posting regular blogs about my most interesting dreams and my own personal interpretations of them.  Then all of you can analyze them as well.  Who knows what we will come up with!

For the last month, I can't remember a night that I've slept straight through.  I get up about every 2-3 hours to go to the potty or to grab a glass of chocolate milk to fight heartburn.  I've read that this frequent up-and-down action all night interrupts my dream-filled REM sleep, thus making my dreams for vivid.  Also, since I'm awake so much during the night, I tend to retain more of my dream memories.

The first pregnancy dream I would like to share with you is about our vast solar system.  In this dream, I am in outer space.  However, it's more of my presence than my physical body.  Everything is very scaled down and close together, like I could reach out and touch all of the planets.  I am traveling around to discover life on other planets, and find it on Neptune.  Yeah!  I'm so very excited that Earth has made a new friend in Neptune and my immediate thought is to "move" Neptune closer to Earth.  

So I watch in my dream as the planet Neptune floats through the solar system, edging closer to Earth.  However, Neptune goes a little bit too far and ends up next to Venus.  Since it's too hot that close to the Sun, the planet starts to turn red.  I, of course, freak out.  I believe this is the point in the dream when my husband claims I was crying and moaning.

I convince Neptune to move back toward Earth, but Neptune has other plans.  Neptune, while he is excited to be "friends" with Earth, has decided that he wants to check out Jupiter.  I plead with him and explain that Jupiter is a big, gaseous giant and he will be swallowed up and destroyed if he goes anywhere near the planet.  (I remember having a "memory" in my dream about a satellite that had been sucked into Jupiter's gravitational pull and it exploded.)

So as Neptune starts bouncing closer to Jupiter, I start screaming "NEPTUNE!!!".  At which point my husband wakes me up.

Interpretation:  I didn't personally decipher this dream, but my husband did.  Neptune is my sister, who lives far away (only about an hour).  I wish that she lived closer, but obviously not too close (as my dream implies).  So Neptune heading toward Jupiter was like my dream subconscious warning me that while it would be great to have Neptune close, disaster may result.  Neptune could also be a metaphor for my parents, who live in the same city as my sister.

Nesting

No... this isn't some new fangled thing like planking and owling where people go around contorting their bodies into the shape of bird nests.  Although that would be pretty amusing...  I'm talking nesting as in the instinct that pregnant women feel toward the end of their third trimester.  The baby is coming and soon-to-be Mother's start feeling the urge and/or need to clean, sort, organize, reorganize, color coordinate, and generally prepare the home for their baby.  

I'm not talking about installing a baby gate in the hallway and putting outlet protectors everywhere.  I'm talking about pulling all of the clothes out of the dresser drawers and refolding and reorganizing them back in different places.  I'm talking about going through that mish-mashed collection of toiletries and hygienic items stowed away in that tiny hallway closet, throwing out items you will never use, and then putting them all back together in order of height inside cute little boxes with cute little labels.

Nesting is a bitch of a symptom.  So why am I, at a mere 9 weeks, feeling the nesting instinct?  My theory is that I'm a ridiculous neat freak.  Organization is my middle name.  Perfectionism is my nickname.  I can honestly see myself nesting for the duration of this pregnancy.  In fact, I kind of nest on a regular basis.  Most people just experience this in March or April and attribute it to Spring Cleaning.  I "Spring Clean" about once a month.  

So here is how my day went:

First, I did the dishes.  No big deal, right?  Well that involved getting the Cascade dishwasher tablet out from under the sink.  Once I was down there, I realized that the bottom of the cupboard, where we store our cleaning products, looked a little shabby.  So I pulled everything out and cleaned the cupboard.  Then I put it all back.

Next, I decided I was hungry and should maybe eat lunch.  So I grabbed a paper plate and plastic fork out of the far right cupboard.  But the odd assortment of plastic utensils floating around the cupboard in bags and boxes made me dizzy.  So I organized that.  Then I decided to take a look at the adjacent cupboards, just for fun.  What's the harm in that?

So then I organized the spice cupboard and reorganized the cupboard where all of our coffee mugs are.  While in that cupboard, I found a collection of empty spice bottles that I was saving for... who knows what.  I probably had some ridiculous crafty idea and just couldn't let them go.  Well, they are in the trash now!

From there, it all went downhill.  I ended up cleaning and reorganizing all of the kitchen cupboards.  I moved things around and now my husband probably won't be able to find anything.  But I'm happy!  And isn't that what's important here people?

Hormones

Since I don't truly know who my audience is comprised of, I'm taking the risk that someone will read this blog that hasn't heard the news...  We're expecting!  My life will practically revolve around this pregnancy for the next few months, and then my child after she is born, so now is as good a time as any to begin blogging about it.

To be honest with ya'll, I have been pretty miserable this last month.  Once the symptoms finally hit me, I couldn't shake the fatigue, frequent urination, stomach cramps, and 24/7 queasiness.  I've been emotional about everything from my much-to-early weight gain to the song playing on the radio.  I really want to enjoy this pregnancy, so I've been trying to just shed off this funk and start being positive about everything.

But today, I thought I had a breakthrough.  As I drove to a seminar this morning, an old Backstreet Boys number 1 hit came on the radio.  I found myself bouncing in my seat.  My head started bobbing and my fingers tapped the steering wheel.  As I picked up on those old familiar words, I started singing along softly.  About halfway through the song, I was belting out that tune like I was trying out for American Idol.

Backstreet Boys

Backstreet Boys

Everybody (backstreet's back)

Everybody

Rock your body

Everybody

Rock your body right.

Backsteet's back alright!

Oh my god we're back again

Brothers sisters everybody sing

Gonna bring the flavor, show you how

Gotta question for you, better answer now

Am I original?  Yeah!

Am I the only one?  Yeah!

Am I sexual?  Yeah!

Am I everything you need?

You better rock your body now

Now throw your hands up in the air

And wave 'em around like you just don't care

If you wanna party let me hear you yell

Cuz we've got it going on again

I was doing so well!  And then... my hormones took over.  The next song on the radio was the theme song to the movie Armageddon, "I don't want to miss a thing" by Aerosmith.  So what do I start thinking about?  Bruce Willis dying, of course!  He takes A.J.'s place to save the world.  He leaves his little girl behind so that she can be with A.J. and start a family.  And then Liv Tyler puts her hand on the television screen as it goes to white noise and static... "Daddy?  Daddy!"  (I'm a daddy's girl, so that didn't help the situation.)

I immediately start crying as I pull up to the next stop light.  (I started crying again as I picked the clip above from You Tube and watched it.)  I'm sure the guy in the truck next to me thought I was completely nuts.  Nope.  Sorry guy.  Not nuts.  Just pregnant.

Personal Boundaries

What is the cure for a nosy person?  Some people are so nosy, they don’t realize they are being rude.  It’s in their nature to be that way and they don’t pick up on the subtle, and even not-so-subtle, hints that they are being rude.  They lack basic social skills, have few friends, and seem to think that making themselves part of someone else’s business gives them a sense of belonging and acceptance. 

But they always take it too far…  They have no concept of boundaries.  I have a coworker that is the epitome of nosiness.  I know I covered this a little bit in my recent etiquette blog, but this is more of a “vent” blog. 

I left early from work yesterday for a personal appointment.  My boss informed me today that as soon as I walked out the door, said coworker was out of her seat and in his office (keep in mind that my boss is not her boss, so this was even more out of line).  She proceeded to ask him where I was going and why.  Since my boss smartly knew my reason for being gone was (1) none of her business, (2) something I wasn’t sharing with the office, and (3) NONE OF HER DAMN BUSINESS, he lied to her.  I take a little bit of pride in the fact that he quickly conjured up a smart little lie!

Unfortunately, I will be gone for a lot of “personal appointments” in the next 6-7 months, one as soon as next Monday.  Since she is nosy, she is also naturally suspicious.  This means that she will probably accelerate to asking our other coworkers if they know why I’m leaving.  Two of them do know, but they know better.  They understand the obviously hard-to-grasp concept of personal boundaries.

I’m dreading the day when she confronts me personally.  I have this fabulous excuse now for chewing her out.  Hormones.  Who knows…?  Maybe she will finally take the hint and stay out of everyone’s business.

Champagne anyone?

I was looking through my computer files today and came across something interesting.  I had written a toast for my sister's wedding, but I never had the opportunity to give it during the reception.  We arrived a little bit late, and after talking with the DJ after dinner, my sister realized we were running out of time.  So an executive decision was made to go straight to dancing and cake cutting.  I was a little bummed at the time, but it wasn't a big deal.  However, now that I have this blog as an outlet, I figured I would share the toast with all of you.  Hopefully my sister enjoys it too!

Here goes...

"Good evening and thank you all for coming.  I had hoped I could put together a simple little toast and memorize it, but when I sat down to start writing, I didn’t know where to start.  First and foremost, I want to tell you how much I love you both and how happy I am that you found each other.  You created this perfect little girl and we are all so lucky to have all three of you in our lives.  If I could give you any advice, after being with Ryan for over 10 years, it would be that you should always be open with each other.  Talk about your problems, pick your battles, and never fight over money.

Josh, I was trying to think of something to share with you about Melissa.  A little memory about her that would really make you feel like a part of our silly family.  I had plenty to choose from, but for the sake of Melissa’s pride, I will share those stories in private when we can laugh for hours.  However, I did think of something from our childhood that always makes her smile, so I’m going to pass this along to you.  When Melissa and I were young, I used to tell her silly stories at night to help her fall asleep.  I had a little repertoire of characters that I would use and then I would ad lib the actual story.  If she ever has a hard time falling asleep, please tell her a silly story about the chicken McNugget people that walk around in cowboy boots.

Melissa, we have been through a lot together.  We were so close when we were younger, playing kick the can in the alley and basketball at Danny’s house.  Mom always made us come in at like 6:00 to go to bed, so we had loads of time together and we had to make our own fun.  Like… mattress surfing on the staircase.  I know we drifted apart in my teenage years, but you were so little and dorky and I didn’t know any better.  Now that we are mature, responsible adults, I feel like we are right back to being those crazy, close sisters that had to sit in timeout together in the game closet.

Now you have a daughter and you’re married, and you’re not that dorky, little girl anymore.  You are beautiful and strong, and you will make a great wife for Josh.  I wish you both all the happiness in the world.  To Melissa and Josh!"

A birth like no other

I’m not sure why I decided to write about this today…  I really enjoyed reminiscing the other day and I was trying to think of another fond memory to write about.  Since my little sister is expecting baby #2, I got to thinking about the day that my niece Emma was born.

My sister was scheduled to be induced on Monday, February 16, 2009, so she arrived at the hospital about 8:00 p.m. the night before.  I took the 16^th off work and planned to drive up first thing in the morning.  My lack of experience with pregnancy and induction had me worried that she would give birth before I could drive the hour to the hospital that morning.  Boy was I wrong…

I believe they broke her water that morning to see if she would start dilating, but that didn’t work.  I arrived about 9:30, sweating and panting, expecting my niece to be crowning, but everyone was calm and collected.  I presented my sister with a special “Mommy” charm bracelet as a gift and then we all proceeded to sit around… for hours and hours and hours.

Eventually they gave her Pitocin and that sped things up.  The contractions were getting pretty bad, so she opted to get her epidural.  Her boyfriend was a needle-phobe and couldn’t stand to watch it happen, so I stayed in the room and held her hand while the anesthesiologist stuck a huge needle in her back and she turned into a happy girl again.

By late afternoon, there was quite a crowd.  Me, my Mom, my Dad, my sister’s boyfriend, his sister, and his Mom.  Around 6:30, me and my parents headed out to McDonald’s for dinner while my sister and her boyfriend had some alone time.  Around 8:00 p.m., the doctor arrived and said it was time to start pushing.  It didn’t seem so bad at first, but after awhile, I started pacing the halls.  This was a small hospital and there only seemed to be one other woman giving birth that night, so I wasn’t in anyone’s way. 

At one point, my sister stopped panting like the doctor was ordering and started making funny moaning and screaming noises.  That was all my Mom’s poor heart could take.  She took off down the hall to get away from the emotional stress of hearing her baby girl give birth.  By now, I’m sitting in the hallway across from my sister’s room with my head in my hands.  Have I mentioned before now that I’m a very anxious person?

Finally, at 10:28 p.m., my beautiful niece Emma was born.  After another hour, we all got to go in and see them.  That’s when I got really emotional… because my sister announced that her name was Emma Nicole.  Really?  I started crying… because my middle name is Nicole too!  And then my sister said that she chose that for her middle name because I meant so much to her.  Cue:  A ridiculous blubbering mess!

The End!

One simple reason why I'm a Daddy's Girl

I love reminiscing!  I was eating apples with peanut butter earlier and I randomly remembered something from my childhood.  Give me about a paragraph to make the correlation to peanut butter before you give up and go read another blog.

When my sister and I were growing up, our Dad worked nights.  He was, and still is, a baker.  He would go to work about 8:00 or 9:00 o’clock and work until the wee hours of the morning.  Every once in awhile, we would beg and beg to have a sleepover at the bakery.  There was a little twin sized cot in the small room off of the bathroom and we would bring up our sleeping bags and pajamas.  Our initial intention was to help our Dad bake, eat yummy baked goods, and absolutely, positively stay awake until Dad was ready to go home.  This, I’m sad to say, never happened.  At some point, whether due to exhaustion or a sugar coma, we always fell asleep before he was ready to leave.

One specific memory of our little bakery sleepovers was making homemade chocolate peanut butter cups (see, there’s the correlation!).  We would put liners in a cupcake pan and melt chocolate chips into the bottom.  Then we would scoop a little bit of peanut butter into the middle, and finally, smother the entire thing with more melted chocolate chips.  Then, the whole concoction would sit in the freezer for a few hours to harden.  In the meantime, I honestly can’t remember what we would do to pass the time.  Hide-n-seek among 50 pound bags of flour?  Or maybe we would squeeze ourselves into the little crawl space on the side of the huge, industrial sized oven? 

I do remember that the homemade chocolate peanut butter cups were way too hard to eat straight out of the freezer, but we would just sit there and suck on them until they melted in our mouths.  Imagine a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup the size of a jumbo muffin from Tim Horton’s.  Sometimes we had to use a fork… 

I always loved our little sleepovers at the bakery.  Not so much because we got to eat sugary delights late at night or stay up past our bedtime, but because we got to enjoy that special time with our Dad.  It was like our own special little “Take your daughter to work” day… or night.

Can I turn off my anal-ness?

Apparently I'm anal.  To be quite honest, I knew this.  I will admit this... no question.  But I was never as anal as I am today.  It has been like a creeping characteristic, edging its way into my being over the last ten years.  

As a high school student, I could have cared less about my school work, grades, and punctuality.  I graduated with a 2.9 GPA and barely scraped by with an ACT score that provided me with a one-time $250 scholarship, which I never even used.  My bedroom was always a mess and I practically refused and/or avoided doing chores around the house by always being gone at work or out with friends.  I held a job, but my work ethic was nothing like it is today.  I had no qualms about lying to my boss and calling in "sick".

Today, I work a full time job where I am very proud of what I've achieved and the work I produce.  I landed a paralegal job with no experience and I've self taught myself almost everything that a paralegal gains during a two-year certificate program.  I also work a part time job where I attained the status of "pet" after one night of work.  Luckily, my coworkers are not annoyed by my organization, cleanliness, and overall anal nature.  I rarely miss work and never call in to play hooky.

My home is not spotless, but I'm very proud to say that I could entertain company at any given time with minimal "picking up" needed.  I tend to nest on a daily basis, constantly cleaning up and keeping things orderly.  My husband and I have, over time, developed our own little set of chores around the house and we go about them easily and without complaint.

Finally, I am a very anal student.  I have attained a 4.0 in all but two classes in 6 years of part time schooling.  I will not speak of that darn pre-calculus class...  I always arrive to class close to thirty minutes early and I rarely miss a class session.  I take crazy notes and always do my homework way ahead of time.  I tend to be the teacher's pet.

Now that I've appeared to brag about this great person I've become (which honestly doesn't make me blush because the only people that really read my blog are my Mom and my husband, and they both know all of this anyway) I have to explain why this came about.

I'm in an African American Art History class this semester and I have to drive quite a distance to get to class once a week.  I have this concern that weather will interfere with my ability to get to class and the syllabus indicates that I'm only allowed one absence during the semester without it affecting my grade.  After that, I'm docked one letter grade.  In other words, if I work my ass off to get a 4.0, but miss more than one class session, I'm getting a 3.5.  Three missed class sessions?  3.0... 

I decided to talk to my professor and see if there was any leeway.  I hate asking for special treatment and can honestly say that I've never asked it of a professor.  I understand that they have to have guidelines that apply to every student.  At the same time, I honestly feel that my situation is unique.  I'm driving 2 hours each way and winter is coming.

As I was talking to my professor, she says to me:  "I've noticed that many non-traditional students are very anal about their schooling.  They get ulcers and headaches and you don't want that.  I mean no offense by this, but it is very true.  So I want you to chill.  Just relax.  You need to focus on doing the work to get your 4.0 and nothing more.  If you need to miss a second class period, we will talk about it when that time comes."

Hmmm...  Am I that transparent?  Are non-traditional students all as anal as me?  Maybe I do need to chill out a little...  More importantly, what did she mean by this?  Will she not dock my grade?  Or is she just trying to get me to not think about it over the next 15 weeks?  Gosh... now I'm just going to worry more.  Dammit!

A slogan by any other name...

I was driving to work today and found myself at a stop light behind a service van for “Trane”, the HVAC company.  I got to thinking about their slogan “Nothing stops a Trane”.  If nothing stops a Trane… why do they need service repairmen?  Maybe their slogan should be “Nothing stops a Trane… permanently”?  Does that mean that they don’t offer warranties because they claim their products never stop working?

All of this got me thinking about product slogans and I did a little research.  There are some odd ones out there that really don’t make a lot of sense.

Nike:  “Just Do It” 

Do what?  Should we assume they mean “Just buy the Nike shoes”?  Or are they implying that “it” means running, or walking, or playing sports… which is what most people do when they purchase $145 sneakers.

State Farm:  “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there” 

I am a loyal State Farm customer, but I don’t get this.  I only personally know one of our neighbors.  They are nice, but I wouldn’t expect them to show up if I was in an accident.  I’ve never even borrowed a cup of sugar from them.  Maybe they should change it to “Like a nosy coworker every time you turn around, State Farm is there”.

Lay’s:  “Betcha can’t eat just one” 

Well duh!  If the serving size were one potato chip, I would consider that they were challenging us to stick to our nutritional guns.  And they used a word in their slogan that isn’t even a word, “betcha”… although I’m sure that Webster’s will get right on that if they haven’t already.  I believe my previously used “duh” is already in there.

Camel:  “I’d walk a mile for a Camel” 

I doubt it.  If you smoke Camel cigarettes, you probably can’t even walk from your car to the gas station clerk to buy another pack of smokes without getting out of breath. 

Taco Bell:  “Head for the Border”

First of all, Taco Bell is a disgrace to Mexican food… and this slogan is racist.  Am I to assume we can only eat Mexican food in Mexico?  Should we assume that fried chicken is only made in the south where African Americans used to live as slaves?  By this logic, the slogan for KFC should be “Head for Alabama”.  I find this slogan offensive… ‘nuff said.

Frosted Flakes:  "There G-G-Great!"

That took a lot of thinking.  I mean A LOT!  Was their marketing team sitting around one day in the conference room, just munching on frosted flakes, when one pimply faced intern blurts out "Gosh these are great!".  And it just stuck?

Maybe I should have gone into marketing...?  I just don't understand where some of these companies come up with these slogans. 

Heeere's your sign.... thanks Bill Engvall!

Are you following the rules of workplace etiquette?  Could you be missing the signs from your fellow coworkers that you're breaking these rules?

If you're new to the field of general employment (i.e. you just turned 16, or you have been a bum for years and finally got off your butt and got a job) you may find this guide useful for your integration into the workplace social scene.  If you're a workplace veteran, you might just need a refresher. 

Unfortunately, the people that this blog is aimed toward (and yes, I wrote this blog in response to one particular coworker who constantly breaks the rules of workplace etiquette) are ignorant enough to not realize they're breaking these rules of etiquette and they will be unlikely to benefit from this useful information.

Let's get started!

1.  The fridge.

It has been made abundantly clear, via numerous emails, that you have to write your name on anything you put in the fridge or it may be stolen or thrown away.  We have scavengers in our office that are apparently under fed at home.  Also, our fridge is cleaned out every Tuesday at 3:00 p.m.  The office manager oversees the receptionist (because it's totally a two person job) to check expiration dates and anything that looks to be growing something bulbous or green.

So, the 1st is obvious.  Write your name on your shit!  The 2nd rule should be obvious, but considering my experiences...  Don't eat shit that doesn't have your name on it! 

2.  Privacy.

I'm going to go over two main scenarios here because it is, unfortunately, necessary.

Phone calls:  If I am on the phone with someone and you are close enough to hear the conversation, that is not an implied invitation to take part in the conversation.  There are two situations here and I'm honestly not sure which is more rude and annoying.  The first occurs when someone is listening to your conversation and starts talking to you about it.  Maybe a little "transcript" will help explain this better:

Me:  "No ma'am, we do not handle divorce matters, but I would be happy to refer you to attorney Smith.  Let me get his phone number for you."  But before I can look it up, my cubicle neighbor is shouting it over the half wall that separates me from her insanity. 

The second situation occurs when that same cubicle neighbor promptly skitters (and I use that term because it reminds me of a cockroach) over to me and strikes up a conversation about the conversation they just overheard.  This could be a mish-mash of advice, comments, suggestions, questions, etc.  This is especially bothersome when the call was personal and your cubicle neighbor starts asking why you have a doctor's appointment.

So, the rule here?  Don't eavesdrop!

Private Conversations:  I realize that it is difficult to have a private conversation in the middle of an office setting, especially one filled with women.  But it is easy to look at two or more individuals, assessing posture, eye contact, voice loudness and tone, and determine whether they are having a private conversation.  If you witness any signs of a private conversation (whispers, flitting eyes, a leaning gesture, etc.) keep on walking. 

So, the rule here?  Mind your own damn business!

This can also be applied to any conversation, private or not.  For example, I could be standing up talking to the receptionist about any number of topics, and that nosy cubicle neighbor will just walk up and stand there.  She has effectively made herself a listener in the conversation, whether we like it or not, and then, since we haven't shooed her away, she will take her turn as a talker, interjecting that same combination of advice, comments, suggestions, and questions.

__________________________________________________

In conclusion, it is important to point out the signs that you might be breaking the rules of workplace etiquette.  If you happen to notice any one of the following, you need to check yourself... before you wreck yourself!

1.  Evil glares from coworkers, especially if deadly lasers are shooting out of their eyeballs.

2.  Complete silence when you approach your coworkers, especially if they appeared to be holding a rather lively conversation just seconds before you arrived.

3.  Non responsive behavior.  If you communicate, in any way, to a coworker and they blatantly ignore you, either verbally, physically, or via email, you have overstepped a boundary and your coworker is doing everything in their power to not rip off your head.  Do not push for a response!